dear baby bump,

Why are you on an old man?

dear mascara,

You smell rather fishy. I'm guessing that means I should stop using you?

dear drivers in Canyon Country,

I have a few questions for you:

1. Did you know that you should not be on your cell phone while pumping gas?

2. Why do you drive below the speed limit in the fast lane on the 14?

3. Since you live in the boon docks don't you think it would make more since to drive a hybrid than a huge gas-guzzling truck?

4. Are you aware that it is illegal to use the carpool lane for passing?

dear dishwasher,

Let's be friends forever. Why did I wait so long to buy you? Because of you I now cook occasionally, and dirty dishes no longer pile up in my sink :)

dear gas prices,

you suck!

dear Toyota of Hollywood,

Um, you forgot to put a piece of my car back when you were replacing the super-expensive headlight! I will be in soon to have you put it back. Hopefully I won't be there all day like I was last time.

dear Prius,

Just an idea, but it might be nice if your super-expensive high-intensity discharge headlights turned off automatically when the car turns off. I know they turn off once I open the door, but sometimes I don't do that for a while because I'm returning calls and emails. Then the battery dies and AAA has to come to my rescue yet again.

dear self,

FYI it is never a good idea to put 4 gorgeous vintage martini glasses in the back of your trunk with unsecured large objects. Inevitably one of those large objects will go flying when you take a corner to fast and will crush one of the gorgeous vintage martini glasses. Oh well, at least you still have 3 ;)

dear blogging,

Why can't you just be hooked up to my brain? I think of so many funny things, but if I don't write them down I totally forget lol.

dear grown man wearing a spider man T and silver sneakers,

Although you looked like a little boy that was 5'10" you were pretty cute. The Prius was a nice addition to your awesomely odd style.

dear Los Feliz

I love you! Even if you have coyotes that would eat my little dog, high rent that I can't afford, and a lack of parking. You are still amazing and I love to visit as often as possible. Especially Figaro Bistrot, yum! I never get sick of the cute men zipping around on their scooters, motorcycles, and bikes :) Or the women that look perfect, and like they just rolled out of bed. Plus, you have my favorite bookstore, Skylight Books. Until we meet again :)

dear "vintage" stores

You are NOT a true vintage store if over half of your stock is crappy used clothing that looks vintage, but was actually made in the past 10 years! Please explain to me how you justify selling this crap that I could easily find at any thrift store, at a 500% markup. I'm quite confused.

dear nice hot men,

I hope it wasn't too obvious that I was eavesdropping on your conversation ;) But I learned a lot of interesting things and now plan on researching the auto race through Mongolia. When you both stopped to watch the dad with his ADORABLE little girl I was in awe. Then, when one of you started discussing how you couldn't wait to have kids and show them the world, I almost butted into your convo to tell you I would love to have kids with you lol. I'm totally with you on taking our kids on a safari ;)

dear old man,

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to you discuss Lady Gaga's Grammy arrival. You are the most adorable old man! I love how you have breakfast at a hip French cafe in LA every morning while wearing your hat that proudly announces your participation in WWII :) The fact that you mentioned watching it on youtube was icing on the cake :)

dear people that run,

I'm quite jealous of you. How do you look so happy and bouncy when you are on your morning and/or evening run? When I run I look like I'm a slouchy mess with a major wedgie that is about to fall over. But you always look so amazing with your little ipod and dog at your side. So jealous!

dear super bright pink frosting,

You truly are the brightest frosting I have ever seen on a cupcake. Although you were yummy, my lips and tongue are still pink lol. I guess I should just be happy that you didn't also make my teeth pink.

dear aspiring actors,

Will you please learn to drive before you move to LA? I've almost been hit by about 5 of you and pilot season hasn't even started yet! Thanks.

dear Vegas,

you make me happy.