dear baby bump,

Why are you on an old man?

dear mascara,

You smell rather fishy. I'm guessing that means I should stop using you?

dear drivers in Canyon Country,

I have a few questions for you:

1. Did you know that you should not be on your cell phone while pumping gas?

2. Why do you drive below the speed limit in the fast lane on the 14?

3. Since you live in the boon docks don't you think it would make more since to drive a hybrid than a huge gas-guzzling truck?

4. Are you aware that it is illegal to use the carpool lane for passing?

dear dishwasher,

Let's be friends forever. Why did I wait so long to buy you? Because of you I now cook occasionally, and dirty dishes no longer pile up in my sink :)

dear gas prices,

you suck!

dear Toyota of Hollywood,

Um, you forgot to put a piece of my car back when you were replacing the super-expensive headlight! I will be in soon to have you put it back. Hopefully I won't be there all day like I was last time.

dear Prius,

Just an idea, but it might be nice if your super-expensive high-intensity discharge headlights turned off automatically when the car turns off. I know they turn off once I open the door, but sometimes I don't do that for a while because I'm returning calls and emails. Then the battery dies and AAA has to come to my rescue yet again.